Hot Mess Aerobics: Why You Don't Wear Denim After the Gym


A few weeks ago I decided to go back to Orange Theory Fitness. I really enjoy their classes and trainers, and before I got pregnant, it was the most effective workout for me in terms of weight loss, strength, and overall physical improvement. I completed Disney Princess in 2014 BECAUSE I was doing OTF as a cross-training function, and I strongly believe it set a precadent to what I expect from my workouts. I have my 11th half marathon coming up mid-April, and desperately need to step up my training game, so OTF was the obvious choice to get it done. It's not just OTF-I am a huge fan of group fitness. Spinning, Zumba, and duh, Vixen- those are my jams! Maybe it's the one-on-one interaction you can get from the instructor. Maybe it's because if you have a bad day,or if you feel like shit cause it's your time of the month, you can hide in the back of the class. Not sure what it is, but time and time again I find myself leaning toward group workouts  because it's accountability, it's teamwork, it's FUN. My job is pretty close to Vixen and OTF, so I've been trying to figure out how to squeeze in a workout, but still make it home in time for mommy duties. The magic hour, as it turns out, is my lunch time. On the very first day I tried this new routine, I couldn't help but feel a burst of pride as I walked out of the office already dressed up in my workout clothes. With my post-workout outfit in my gym bag, I practically skipped my way through the  10 minute walk to OTF. After sitting around for 10 additional minutes waiting for class to start, I noticed everyone signing up for a shower. I quickly added my name to the list and thought to myself, I am really going to do this. I can have it all! I can be a mom, be a professional, work on my fitness, and everything will fit perfectly into a schedule where I am not torn into a million pieces!

I had an amazing workout, and hauled ass to make it back to the office within the lunch hour. Running into the shower I was pleasantly surprised at how big their showers are-I could easily do the cha-cha slide in it's entirety  in there with no issue. I tugged conditioner through my hair and whipped it into a quick top bun, figuring it can air-dry on my sprint to work. All was good! My biggest concern was showing up to work after the gym looking like a wet rat, and the bun would take care of all of that. Oh but I was wrong.....oh so wrong.

One quick spritz and dry later, I reached for my jeans...and what was at first a perfectly sized bathroom suddenly caved in on me. Everything stuck everywhere. My Old Navy flipflops I had worn to protect me from the public shower floor quickly had a life of their own, threatening to make me do several splits, and I'm not exactly a gymnast here.  "What the hell was I thinking?!" I whimpered as one pant leg dragged on the humid floor and the other stuck on my thigh. I panicked. I imagined myself slipping and cracking my head on the tile, butt up in the air, pants halfway on, and not being found till it was too late. When people asked, "Wow did she die from working out so hard?"  the staff would answer "No, her dumbass tried to put on jeans after the shower." After much shuffling/sweat/panting/praying I made it out alive, I emerged from the bathroom looking pretty much like I had right when the workout finished: sweaty,flushed, and cursing. And then, since I WAS SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR WALKING TO THE GYM, there was the 10 minute walk back to the office, feeling like a turtle stampeding through peanut butter in my damp jeans/damp shirt/hot mess hair situation. All that jumping up and down trying to get into my jeans caused my bun to completely undo and now it was stuck on my face as I tried to make it to the office with 5 minutes to spare.

As I got to the office, I thought, there has to be a better way....I felt ( and was) a hot mess.  The next time around I was better prepared. Here's how I planned it out for the future:

  • Pack/plan outfits that are friendly for office/gym. Maybe find a pair of  workout pants you can wear to the office that can be paired with a jacket/blazer and then later pair that same combo, or just the top, with a skirt or loose pants ( wide leg pants).
  • Dresses! Here in sunny South Florida, it's always dress season. Throw on a jean jacket or cardigan, grab a pair of flats for the walk back to the office, and you're good to go!
  • Avoid material ( especially for bottoms) that is clingy/stretchy-let's save that for days where we don't break for gym during lunch, shall we?
  • Get that hair game in check! Try a Braid,bun, or stylized ponytail: gym time is sleek hair time!

When I'm not running between my office and a treadmill, I take it outside to get some miles in. Workout clothes for plus size women is so affordable and fashionable now-before we basically looked like we were wearing pjs from the bed to the stairmaster. I would feel like shit getting ready to workout cause the clothes was so uncomfortable and not fpf ( fat people friendly). But it's 2016 and brands have realized that big people need workout clothes to, you know, work out! I am a huge fan of the  Lane Bryant LiviActive collection. They've got a variety of styles that are great not only for working out  but also for a casual chic outfits outside of the gym. Plus, for busty gals like me, they've got sports bras that actually keep me from knocking myself out with my own boobs at the gym.

Look ma! No side-boob! Not many sports bras and tops can say that to a DD chested woman.



Do you see how my boobs are hanging out the side of my shirt? No? EXACTLY





That's not side boob, it's arm fat. It shall be gone soon! 

Have you ever tried to break for a workout during lunch time? What works for you? I'm going to take advantage of these mid-day workouts till it gets too hot in the summertime to even think about walking 10 steps outside. Next test will be twerking it out in Vixen in my supersonic sports bra!